2000 Mythsteries & Other Pithy Shorts

No-it-all

2009-02-23T16:19:00.000-08:00

Once in the not so far ago, there was a piece of land co-opted from original owners. With turkey quills and pestled plants, the upstarts wrote words to spell the country and tide it over the trauma created by inhouse wars and outhouse battles.The piece of land imported shiploads of folks to help them do their chores. It's not easy to work a country into the ground.The country filled up and

Spit it Out, John...

2008-12-18T21:56:00.000-08:00

My sense of humor has been sorely stretched by the moronity of the last eight years.Will the McCain (who repeatedly vowed that he knew the location of Osama bin Laden and could bring him to justice when he became president) make that information available even though he lost the election?After all, how can he continue to say that he's committed his life for this country and keep a secret like

Return of Blackbeard

2008-11-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

India shot up a pirate ship. Way to go, India! I'm beginning to link pirates with Paulson & Pals Perk and Burning Bush Bull-etins.Pre-emptive war pretty much spread its parachute over all things piratical. It's not enough to bankrupt a country by a faulty war, there must be added threats. Such as:The economy's in the tank if taxpayers don't fork over $700,000,000,000 to the crooks who perpetrated

Pomposity and Prosperity Plead Poverty

2008-11-19T14:58:00.000-08:00

'Big Three CEO's Flew Private Jets to Plead for Public Funds' was the headline on the ABC News page. The woman who drove her Maserati to the welfare office to collect food stamps is the first image that comes to mind.Automobile icons, these men each traveled in his private jet to Congressional hearings where they begged taxpayer funding to get them out of debt they created. They claim to be

Open Letter to Sarah Palin

2008-11-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

Please, stay home and keep your mouth zipped. Quite frankly, if I don't see you again it will be too soon. You spent your entire veep campaign spouting hate and stirring the cauldron of devisiveness. You spread rumors, lies and nastiness. Watching you whine, grin, wink and lie was less than a proud moment for this female. When you throw dirt, don't cry when it comes back. Signed: An Independent

Plum Pie

2008-10-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

♠Once not so long ago an ol' solon, chip off the burning bush, created a case before the dumbling clowns of a biggish country. His aging was sorely evident and became a largish talked about point so the wisher scurried to the frozen north to pull out a plum ~ a hot young chick who talked like a redneck and told lies same-ish as those told by the big house drunk. In wilding speak, she professed

Don't Count Your Eggs, Part 1

2008-04-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

Long long ago, chickens laid eggs in part of the farmer’s barn. Each morning, the farmer’s wife went to the hen part, and moved the birds from their nests in order to swipe their eggs. When she had harvested enough eggs, the family went to the nearest town to sell them to folks who didn’t have chickens. The family returned home after selling all their eggs and put this nest egg in a holder

Don't Count Your Eggs, Part 2

2008-04-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

This continued for many years and the people were happy and well fed. Then the sages in the big white house, devised a plan whereby the farmer could make more money if he didn’t generate so many chickens, milk and pigs. Soon after that, the farmer signed a piece of paper that promised him more money than he had ever seen just for not producing these farming things.For a long time, this way of

Oh, say, I see...

2008-03-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

Today is the first of the remaining days of the War With Many Names.Each day, while looking at the photographs of the children killed, I apologize for the cowboy-in-chief and his posse who are more concerned with their coffers and corruption than the outcome of this grossly mismanaged invasion of a soverign nation.I apologize to those dead children for a lazy nation fully distracted by steroid

Softshoe Mission Accomplished

2008-03-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

Once upon a not so long ago, a megalomaniac convinced himself he was king and did softshoe tappings (like the stall hoppin' gop from hidey-ho) on the stage to giggle up the news ferretlesses while waiting for a lateshow pretend-bloomer. Lo, the ferretless later mused in cutesy fashion about how the tapper jived onstage as if he were the happiest king alive and still knew not that his robes had

Played by Words

2008-02-27T14:04:00.000-08:00

War on Terror is calculated to inspire fear and trust in our failing government. It's a drummed up hoofbeat to keep the minions under their beds.Homeland Security sounds like a proper government function until you delve below the hype and see that it, too, is a worthless and calculated phrase. Nice job, bunkie.We have no intention of staying in Iraq is sharply defied by building an expensive and

The Case of Disappearing Beer

2008-01-06T15:03:00.000-08:00

Long ago, an avuncular figure adopted a stolen country. Sam claimed to care for allbodies' interests in return for full allegiance. Time lapsed and Sam largened with hot air while the regular joes were sucked too small. Lo, avuncular Sam gained confusion and unsureness and fell into the trap of protecting themselves against themselves like a Robin Hood gone wild. In due time, the uncle

Absurd Flu Strikes Again

2007-09-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

The absurd flu strikes again.Concern about Larry Craig, a toe-tapping wide-stanced congressman from Idaho, Iowa or Ohio (commentators and pundits cannot be sure which state he owns) steals print and internet headlines as well as TV and YouTube screens.While people watch and discuss this sexadillo for hour after hour, our own B-52's from Minot, ND fly over several states with nuclear warheads…and

Subprime and Greed

2007-08-13T17:26:00.000-07:00

What were they thinking?Where were the heads of the lenders who were making huge mortgage loans to unqualified buyers under the clever marketing tool of creative financing? While they pocketed big bucks, I watched interviews (this was several years ago) with consumers who were nonchalant about what would happen when they needed to pay more than a minimum amount of interest when required to pick

Titanium Hips and Auto Repair

2007-06-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

My previous auto mechanic worked for several months off and on and replaced some pricey parts only to find the problem was still active. Eventually when I was down to my last credit card, he shook his head and said, 'I hate to give up, but I have no idea where to go now.' I mentally patted myself on the back when I refrained from giving him an idea.Next, I said to a new mechanic, 'It must be hard

Earthquakes Swarm

2007-05-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Yellowstone Park changes constantly. The earthquake that formed Hebgen Lake was felt in the Coeur d'Alene area on August 17, 1959. Several family friends lost their lives there. One of the survivors wrote an incredible book detailing the horrors of that night.Massive land shifts occurred and I've often wondered why that was the last one that rumbled through here. The first time I crossed the Park

Political Anime

2007-04-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

tanks lug across the sandtugging boys and girls in camobait for bombs and fire devicesnewly defined evil hoardsthe screen, deciders politicizea stateside campus lossremotes in casual handsclick the scene, surf to ugly bettynodding heads return to sand

Monologue vs Dialogue

2007-04-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

Free speech demands that each of us can spout any amount of rancor, pith and ugliness but it doesn't preclude that a price can be extracted at some point.It's hard to believe the uproar that followed a shock jock's bomb tossed at a femme basketball team. Suddenly that sort of stupid attack registers as surprise or racist. It's also a little more than sexist. This was no rare occurrence and unless

iRobot and Friendly Robotics

2007-04-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

Reluctant to count myself as a lazy femme, the initial decision to purchase iRobot’s RoomBa to vacuum seemed hedonistic but when it vacuums under the couch, treadmill and bed, it’s worth its weight in gold and earns the badge of necessity. I watch and lift my feet off the floor (I learned that from others in an earlier life) when it passes by.The low pile of the carpet in my home renders the

The House That Card Wrought

2007-03-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

When there was a maroon who held a card close to his chest and flashed red herrings to confuse the beholders, the foundation of the land of theocracy resembled one built on sand.The maroon oathed to become a uniter but his keys stuck and he divided into threes and pieces. A top card helped him keep everything under moving shells and sometimes mortars until it looked like a magician couldn't pull

White House Ink

2007-03-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

And in the age when schooling mostly went home to read animé and such there came out of the Big House some bad books that took on legs.One scooter penned a piece revering bestiality even as canons were being passed by playing bigs who seemed not to know there were some pressing problems afoot.And the big Dick's wife , mother of his strange daughter, wrote a tale of girly/girly in the old west

Harken

2007-03-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

Several things threaten my peace of mind. Admittedly, it wasn't all that peaceful anyhow. The last six-plus years have been detrimental to my whole being. I feel democracy slipping away due to bad governance, multitudinous uninformed citizens and a single wing news system.It's hard to imagine double-bolting the front door and feeling safe while the back door and windows are wide open. It's

On the Edge

2007-02-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

Backbone of roadpaved with dogmamarks a chart of longing,splinters trailthe blackened nightsilent as a dream.A strange idea came to me while I listened to old dogma spouted by Stepford faces.Instead of legislating a minimum wage, mandate a maximum.Rape of local land and distant countries might cease when the money monopoly dispersed so plenty could re-emerge.fractal by sue

Golden Age

2007-02-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

Long ago, when the average death of life was about 40, there weren’t too many grandparents. And those few were often were placed in sanitoria or poor houses. A lucky few lived with unfortunate family. The great witch doctors decided there was more money to be made if folks lived longer. After all, an early death meant the end of taxes and tithes from the deceased. Putting their heads together,

California, New York, Iraq

2006-12-31T15:30:00.000-08:00

I was so afraid this wouldn't happen.California finally passed a law, effective January 2007, which makes it illegal to drive a car containing a body in the trunk. Apparently nine people have died from this trick.It brings to mind Gov. Pataki who signed into law a requirement for cigarettes to be self-extinguishing.I am grateful that we are finally getting a handle on the obscene activities that

Artful Grunge

2006-12-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Long ago, there was a clan who regaled themselves with fad starting. Huddled together in one small glade, they practiced clothing pranks until they stumbled upon the next trend for unsuspecting commoners.These oddfellows changed their heads to backward so their helmet front flipper was in the rear like a sun protector and their necks became very whitened. And, not only that, but they halted

Hunting Witches

2006-12-05T13:26:00.000-08:00

Blogs are a good thing. Thinking is a good thing. Spouting opinions off the top of the head isn't such a good thing.While reading some blogged opinions, I shudder. These are the same people who vote. Without consideration of facts, without looking at the foundations, they type ugliness and recount rabid theories. Talk show hosts stir up one mess after another.Recent disclosure by the first Muslim

Cyberia

2006-11-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, forward-thinking people came up with a far-fetched plan to connect all persons on the globe by netting them together in a fantasy called Cyberia. Unlike other plans, this one moved with celerity and it did, indeed, come to pass that many people made the right connections and found answers to questions they didn’t have. Soon, companies

Feast of Thankfuls

2006-11-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, escapees from a high-tax kingdom packed their tea and took to the sea seeking a new country in which to muck about. When they arrived they slipped off their ship onto a rock named for a heavybodied car. The males wore high-heeled shoes and short pants later known as capris while the femmes hid inside drab voluminous gowns that trailed in the dirt and broomed chips that fell from

Once in the Bad Basket...

2006-11-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

There is little within my control even though I rebel at that very thought. Several times in recent years, physical control was wrested from me and more recently I find my mental well-being is not being enhanced by the lies and ugliness that permeate the current state of our affairs. And more frightening is the fact that this is being absorbed and re-spat by people I know. Anger and division are

Electile Dysfunction

2006-10-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

*It takes less than a minute for a new hacker to do a Diebold. *With the move from graphite to gigabyte - no lead is left behind.*Who counts? Who's counting? *Florida recently outlawed manual re-count of ballots.*If you have extra Cia*lis, please hold on to it for upcoming dysfunctions.

Elephant Repellent

2006-10-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

I was very young and asked my dad what he was spreading on the grass.He said, 'Elephant repellent.''Hey, Dad, there aren't any elephants here.''It's working, ' he responded.Yesterday when I heard the spin on Faux News as I shuffled past to see what weirdness they were spouting, a big-toothed blonde said, 'If Dems are elected, we'll be attacked.'Who was on the throne when the USA was attacked

Pork 'n Poker

2006-10-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

Thank you, O intelligent leaders.Our safety is assured.Online poker is outlawed but, due to government monetizing, state lotteries, brick and mortar casinos, horse racing and fantasy sports remain unscathed at this moment.Blind-trust Frist, celeb of video doctoring and leader of the ProFamily Movement, poked this pork verbiage (Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act) into the port safety

A Fence or a Farce

2006-10-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Before building a fence, look at the laws. Trim out the excess, insert teeth and use them.It's a fuzzy thought that illegal aliens are hard-working wonderful people coming here to help US citizens avoid doing work and to make a better life for themselves when, in truth, many of them come with drugs, sexual offense and criminal records, an embryo for citizenship or a desire to do damage. It is not

Up is Down

2006-09-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

At a recent gathering of the INWBA, I was tagged as 'appearing to be no-growth'. This probably occurred because I am in charge of my own muzzle. :) Strangely enough, a recent poll provided numbers to show that 80% of the local populace agree with me. Why then does unmitigated growth continue?I am not pro no-growth. What I decry is growth for growth's sake. Growth for greed. Growth for the

Elective School

2006-09-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries & Other Pithy Shorts #17It came to pass that subjects wanted more say in reignment, especially those that didn't like the king who stayed for years and years. So they decided to try another way. They called it democracy. Each person would have a say in ruling otherbodies. And this worked well until there came so many people that the voices ran confused, almost like a towering

Tall Little Lord Throttlebottom the Twoth

2006-09-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #26Once not so very long ago, Tall Little Lord Throttlebottom the Twoth, aided and betted by nepotisms, became cock of the barnyard.Soon after, methane hit the fan and the fox was loosed. Tall L. L. Throttlebottom the Twoth stumbled from the throne, shook his fist at the darkened sky and threatened eye-for-an-eye revenge even though he called it

Canned

2006-09-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #10 or #15Once upon a time, when there were no wires draped from the sky and no crystal screens, it was necessary to leave your hut to find out what other humans were doing. Mostly, they were hunting and gathering, but occasionally, if you looked long enough you could enter into a barn raising or a rain dance depending upon which century you wandered

Sex after AARP

2006-08-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

'Sex', in hot red letters, graces the cover of the AARP magazine lying seductively in the mail box where, at first glance, it resembles my granddaughter's Cosmo. Single and enjoying my own processes of life, I cringe in terror at the thought of missing something and leaving an unearned T-shirt or mouse pad.Inside this magazine mutation, weathly plastic seniors profess to aging as one should -

Health Insurance Myth

2006-08-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

Is Health Insurance Sick? 2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #1Once upon a time in the world's richest country lived honest joes who paid agents of medical practitioners in advance for treatment of illnesses they hoped never to have.With those monies, the agents wove personal glass and steel kingdoms until it became apparent they might have to return some funds. They ordered scribes

JonBenet - tragedy without end

2006-08-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

In my view, regardless of whether the new suspect is deemed guilty or not, it would behoove the justice system to put him away, quickly and surely it would behoove the media to forego 24/7 coverage to stay on critical news it would behoove the judicials to write fewer laws and tighten old onesThis little girl's death caused pain for a number of people while thousands more suffer at the

Jack Paar et al

2006-08-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

I miss Jack Paar.I miss Dick Cavett.I miss Johnny Carson.It's not the men I miss. It's the conversations. Grown up talk. Not slutty. Not scatalogical. Discussions of real events in complete sentences, grammatically correct and interesting. Funny, funny skits and comments.I yearn for bleeps and closed doors in the place of strangers' coin slots and navels. Voyeuring is not my cup of tea. Generally

Welcome Home!

2006-08-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today we'll see the young man whose tour of duty was extended, extended and extended. He was sent all over the world, released twice, then recommandeered and sent off again ~ most recently to Baghdad.He'll be off duty for 10 days, then returned to stateside duty for several more months before a final 'out' date. Fortunately, he returned with no visible physical damage.My heart goes out to all

Use it or Lose it!

2006-08-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

Use it or Lose it was a threat I remember from my teen years. Some time has passed. I may have lost it - I'm not sure; but I'm not using it - at least I don't think I am.Today a headline in the paper caught my attention. Use it or Lose it was printed in the darkest boldest caps. I nearly ignored it. Surely it had nothing to do with me, but who knows what tomorrow might bring, so I read the

War Tale

2006-08-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a family friend e-mailed with the news he'd be returning from Iraq next week. This young man has served 3 concurrent terms. One-plus in Guam. One-plus in Afghanistan. Returned to stateside duty in January 2006. A month later, he was sent to Baghdad. We haven't stopped praying and believing that this recent report is true.Each day the news worsens as the Pandora box opened by the

Self-extinquishing Smoking Sticks

2006-08-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

On August 16, 2000, Governor George Pataki of New York signed the Cigarette Fire Safety Act, which made New York the first state in the nation to require the establishment of fire safety standards for cigarettes.It's enough for a wrinkle, a wink and a giggle. Who does he think he's kidding? NY Gov. G. Pataki is headed for Iowa for a stab as Presidential Contender. Is it possible he's the same

Powerfree

2006-07-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts ~ #20Once upon a time, there were men (mostly) who roamed the streets with matches looking for a light and they were named lamplighters.In time, the matches lost their heads and a silly fool went out to fly a kite in some sort of bad weather and used his new key to provide a tail.Lo! A lightning bolted straight into his kite, stringed now and

Headlines, Again

2006-07-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

We appear to be moving backward.Heat wave kills...People are giving humans a really bad name.Politically Correct rewrites history and future all in one fell swoop. Future words will be limited to duh and f***. Who could possibly take offense at those?Abandoned cats become savage and scalp inhabitants of trailer town.Barking dogs lie when they should be asleep.Walnuts are found to have peanuts

The Spin Goes On

2006-07-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

#1My head is cross. My eyes spin.I apply facial moisturizer full of botox bugs and retinol to eliminate aging signs before going to the garage to apply shabby chic crackled paint to a new table to make it appear old.In a fit of confusion, I decide to keep my face as is and learn to love a scratchfree table.The fractal above was created in Fractal Explorer.

The Wages of War

2006-07-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #27Once upon a time when the towers of Babel were knocked down by the hands of foes, the king (ruled by the dead dreams of his father who reigned a couple back) was blinded by the trees and couldn't see the forest for the shrubs.He drew his sword to fight a losing battle with the tower downers in a far off country then rhetorized it to a quiet death to

Agendas

2006-06-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

I live in a reverse bigoted community professing to welcome all diversities with open arms and tax breaks in a 'holier-than-thou' unbigotry. This place task-forces on a constant basis to promote this image. Well.The Aryan Nations came. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is one diverse group. Mayhaps, even somewhat bigoted. Called, you know, they came. But with them came the information spinners

Bazaar Betrayment

2006-06-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #19 Once upon a long time ago, a group of crones appointed by a well-wishing king gathered fortnightly to share story tales and merriment. Timid souls, without sharp spines, they gave willingly to youngs and olds and left their fire open to those of all missions.And it came to pass, a strangeress from a foreign kingdom journeyed to those

Postals

2006-06-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #24There was a time in the newer world when missiles were carried by men on horseback riding across the desert between oceans after otherbodies sprawled wide enough to need them.It came to pass that the men got calloused by all the riding and, anyway there arrived other forms of lugging the goods, so the horses went to pasture and the blistered men kicked

Anti-aging

2006-06-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #29It came to pass in the decade preceding the Mayan's calendar ending that a crusading king grabbed so much righteousness that he began to believe he had the god's ear and began dropping bombs of love and awe around the world in order to remake it in his own nightmare.Instead of being shocked into submission and falling for the this is going to hurt me

Wave after Wave

2006-05-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #31Once upon a time, before the Cyclops box, long skirts weary of daylight chores sought their sewing rockers to stitch evening entertainment while they rested up for bedtime.One woman, most likely a poet, sewed her thoughts with stars and lines in colors of truth, purity and blood or so it is said.Lo! Others took up this frame of hues and carried it round

Peking Pieces

2006-05-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #25Once beyond the time when you and I were born, the boomings kept coming on and a crowded country named after dishes went into crazed crackdown.The rulers, already born and before they knew what was waiting in the closet, in an effort to chink the breach passed decrees to the masses that a man and a woman could have but one name bearer.Lo! Those

Dei Vinci Code

2006-05-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #47Once before any living remembers, a mystical marvel came about and once written found an ever enlarging readerhood.As time went, many addenda and penned rewrites caused little consternation and none of the old timer eyes survived so conjecture withered under the rule of acceptables.It came to pass that a smart man what-iffed the old tale and called it

Saved by a Dime

2006-05-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #23Once upon a time, a hippocritic oath was taken by witch doctors when it was determined that any number of them couldn't do the right spell. This vow compared their work to magic and allowed they should always do everything within their power to save lives of any who sought help.In time, the kings and rulers sought longer life in order to spend the gold

Crack Slippage

2006-05-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #21Once upon a long ago, a new country came into being when criminals, sinners and remittance men lammed out from a monoreligic monarchy. With sudden foresight these men founded a mockracy, as they called it, in which the majority ruled and every fowl had a pot. In time, they began to insure for failure of otherbodies to reach full dream potential by

Under the Shrub

2006-05-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries & Other Pithy Shorts #46Once upon a near passe time the wanna-be king couldn't reckon the simplest tasks. He hugged and held hands with distant robes while he tugged the rug from locals.When the country came full of illicits, he lawed to licit them in order to have little wages paid by big pocket sponsors.His singing shifted from the sandland bombing to keep on keepin on the

Downfall du Jour

2006-05-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythstery #22Once upon another time, in a societal experiment created by remittance men, released sinners, regular escapees, religious zealots and runaway adventurers, a new country was grounded on a land far beyond their shore and founded right on top of those who already lived there. Lo! This righteous group fell so in love with themselves, they began to send out, as well as take out,

Bad Beef, Maybe

2006-05-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

Sat May 6Ground beef products possibly containing E. coli bacteria have been recalled by a Midwest company. We have a hard time getting it right.My pantry boasts fish, beans, and fowl,why do I have a mad craving for cow?

WhiteHouse, Ink.

2006-05-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries #43 And in the age when schooling mostly went home to read animé and such there came out of the Big House some bad books that took on legs. One scooter penned a piece revering bestiality even as canons were being passed by playing bigs who seemed not to know there were some pressing problems afoot. And the big Dick's wife, mother of his strange

Poorboys, the Sandwich Generation

2006-05-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #18 Once upon a long ago, humanity stayed at little numbers because of sabre tooth tigers. Also the lions in the arenas wiped out quite a few as did ungodly and floral wars. Powerbodies ran amok often enough to keep general groups of people to mini-numbers while keeping their own purses at the full and ready. In time, when the mini-wars were sharply