Wednesday, June 28, 2006


I live in a reverse bigoted community professing to welcome all diversities with open arms and tax breaks in a 'holier-than-thou' unbigotry. This place task-forces on a constant basis to promote this image. Well.

The Aryan Nations came. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is one diverse group. Mayhaps, even somewhat bigoted. Called, you know, they came. But with them came the information spinners who blew this into a storm in a teacup. The few members of the splintered group were hounded by media and harassed by ill-meaning righteous.

In the meantime, the community gained such a rap for succoring these diverse people it became necessary to hire people to upgrade the community's standing in the world of tourism which is what makes a few locals wealthy and lets them hire some diversities for menial low-paying service jobs.

The small number of Aryans wanted to hold a parade and the discussions went on and on, pro and con, as you can imagine. Eventually, in the interest of free speech and right to gather, the parade was approved. Many legal snipers sat atop buildings and the militia for the people eyed watchfully lest this turn into a riot. As usual parade pomp, the sweeper of horse poop came along behind and all the reverse bigots who welcome only select diversities were overjoyed by that symbolism.

I can tell you that with the diversity lovers and the diversity yelling at each other from opposite sides of the street it was very hard to tell the haters from the hatees. The appalling look of hatred rode each face in self-interest.

Then came a strange incident which created a trial and a staggering monetary judgment against the bald ones. It looked like a kangaroo court, like a mock trial as if in something prepared in 'Real World 101 - A Comedy'. The judgment amount was so humongous it caused the AN to file bankruptcy. I wonder how much money the attorneys took and I wonder because that debt will somehow find its way into the list of things I, as a property owner, must pay.

If I had a choice, I might choose the Aryans over the serial murderer who is now on trial here, the father recently convicted of killing his 9-year old daughter, meth gangs, and the 'sure to re-offend' perverts who are released into the middle of unsuspecting neighborhoods.

Because I am tired to death of pseudo-tolerance, holier-than-thou righteousness and an agenda promoting special rights under the aegis of political correctness, I am seriously considering becoming a bigot but I haven't decided which side to bigot on.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Bazaar Betrayment

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #19
        Once upon a long time ago, a group of crones appointed by a well-wishing king gathered fortnightly to share story tales and merriment. Timid souls, without sharp spines, they gave willingly to youngs and olds and left their fire open to those of all missions.

And it came to pass, a strangeress from a foreign kingdom journeyed to those crones for advice about upgrading her wares to sell and begged their word-of-mouth helping. She ingratiated before departing for her kingdom and nothing more was heard for some long span of time and some found this to be bizarre.

Lo! An agoura of the weightiest size was occurring near the ides of September and was rightly called Festember. Great excitement preceded the affair and the crones were lit by enthusiasm. Invitings smoked from mountaintops well behead of this autumnal bazaar.

The crones spent many hours laboring at scalding cauldrons to prepare feastings for the fair comers. Games were planned with prizes to be awarded the winners. Crone-sent couriers rode deep into the kingdom to give word of the event.

At last the big day dawned as a downer for the crones who arrived with the sun at the bazaar grounds and were turned away by soldiers, even some they knew, but some not. Keening with loss and fury the crones crouched near the grounds and pleaded with passersby to share the new tale with them but found only firm rebukes by those under perukes.

Puzzling, the crones pieced together in one moon that the stealthy strangeress who came for advice was up to usury and had penetrated the castle by deceiting. One recalled how the strangeress pretenced to be young and well-known in the other kingdom but the sharp-eyed crone saw witch doctor sewings befront of the foreigner's ears which had snugged her faceskin and shriveled her heart. Now they knew the bizarreness of the whole fable was that they had been fleeced by a greedy clone who legended herself in her own mind.
For some time beyond the bizarre bazaar the crones, weary of dishonest doings rested and pondered the weirdness of socials

It came to pass, the wise crones couraged up and realized they didn't need a king who was rolled over for strangeresses and once again went to their storytale-ing.
And that's how it was when wise crones didn't play with clones because the crones would get dirty and the clones were already.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #24

There was a time in the newer world when missiles were carried by men on horseback riding across the desert between oceans after otherbodies sprawled wide enough to need them.

It came to pass that the men got calloused by all the riding and, anyway there arrived other forms of lugging the goods, so the horses went to pasture and the blistered men kicked back. The rulers saw a way to become involved in glory and snatched the deliveries to be conveyed under their oversight.

Lo! They did make so much money, they were able to loan some to forgetful foreign folks. In time, other bands formed wee groups doing the same duty for littler money and provided more competition than a game of hot marbles.

When the old postals saw what was happening they began to make collectors' items from the stamps by die-ing errors on the heads and soon they began to issue new stamps a lot, each new job was destined to tie in with whatever faddish things the populace was doing. Such as: flowers appeared on the stamps at Easter, flags at patriotic times, fruit in the fall and even some celeb faces graced the little stickies which by then didn't need licking because the glue made from horses was so vile the postals now stuck the stamps to little slices of shiny paper for easy uncoupling.

Indeed, it happened that the workers made so much currency they forgot the common folk who were sending these messages anyway and the workers became rude and sullen and begged for more money and filed frivolosities when they were chased by pups or some such.

Droves became annoyed and grumbled their letters were not arriving timely, so there was a big dust up and when it all settled, the postals showed remorse by huge dear commericals on image tubes to tell peons the postals were god-like. And after that message was sent out until they thought it worked, the price of the stickies went up again.

One old lady was heard to say, 'I wish they wouldn't send those warm fuzzy ads. Right afterwards, I get screwed.'

And that's how it was that regular joes went postal, as well.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #29

It came to pass in the decade preceding the Mayan's calendar ending that a crusading king grabbed so much righteousness that he began to believe he had the god's ear and began dropping bombs of love and awe around the world in order to remake it in his own nightmare.

Instead of being shocked into submission and falling for the this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you promises of the charlatan king, the receivers of these great bursts of love became enraged and launched their gods' love in return.

While the majority of the world huddled in wonder and fear the two kings increased their righteousnesses to send more and more missionaries out into the other's countries with awesome missiles designed to convince the nonbelievers that kings do indeed know best what the world needs.

As the year of the fire spitting and hissing wore on, plants and trees began to die. Birds fell from the sky and crushed the lowly ChickenLittles who were loath to cluck for fear of retaliation by big brothers and even bigger motherofalls.

Lo! The big bang theory arrived when deaths spiraled upward and landmasses disappeared in clouds of smoke and shock.

And that's how the anti-aging cure was discovered by the bellicosity of the old world.