Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Self-extinquishing Smoking Sticks

On August 16, 2000, Governor George Pataki of New York signed the Cigarette Fire Safety Act, which made New York the first state in the nation to require the establishment of fire safety standards for cigarettes.

It's enough for a wrinkle, a wink and a giggle. Who does he think he's kidding? NY Gov. G. Pataki is headed for Iowa for a stab as Presidential Contender. Is it possible he's the same straight-faced silly man who signed this law? Yup. None other. Age doesn't improve this weirdness. Think of his meeting the Shoe Bomber. Think of his being in charge of anything.

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #8

It came to pass in the days of heat and drought that many countries-within-acountry burned. Some said it was divine will, others said it was smoking sticks that caused the fearsome conflagrations.

Alas, the leaders of one big apple, in a state of confusion, passed an edict that required makers to create those coffin nails in a manner to cause them to put themselves out.

Many people cheered and admired the leaders but some were incensed by this feudal attempt to control every aspect of society.

One lad laughed uproariously when he saw the difficulty imbedded in a self-extinguishing tobacco stick and soon after that he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Several mini-countries caught up in this incendiary issue passed similar bills and in their zeal also outlawed other fire provoking instruments such as lightning, spontaneous combustion, acts of divine and accident.

In earlier days the solons required automatic matches to be built in such way as to prevent children from using them however in the days that followed it was found that children were the only mammals agile enough to operate mechanical matches.

One gaggle of solons who advocated purposeful burning of forests set off a blaze that ate many acres, unfortunately at that time no one required lawmakers to be self-extinguishing, thus they raged on.

It came to pass in those heated times that fire was so unpopular many upright citizens died from consuming only uncooked food.

And so it was in those days just before the bar fell completely and smothered society along with the fire.

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