Friday, July 28, 2006


2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts ~ #20

Once upon a time, there were men (mostly) who roamed the streets with matches looking for a light and they were named lamplighters.

In time, the matches lost their heads and a silly fool went out to fly a kite in some sort of bad weather and used his new key to provide a tail.

Lo! A lightning bolted straight into his kite, stringed now and blew up his key. This act of divine knocked the fool into a cocked hat and when he woke up a light bulb went off in his head. He kited and keyed another while and imagined up electricals.

Much in demand, this form of captured lightning brought a high price and people formed little groups to produce enough to light their path to the outhouse and the cow barn. Soon, otherbodies went from kingdom to kingdom to buy up these small groups, or co-ops as they were then known.

After some time, there were only a few big groups and the price went so high the littlebodies couldn't buy any more. Because of the twin ninos and such the lightning pretty much moved on and alchemists began to make electric out of water.

And it came to pass that the dam electricity faltered because of heavy useage by many and many more folks who were using it to light up days as well as the night. Alas, when the rich got the lucre out of energy, the rulers stepped in and mass-confused the whole system until town criers were invented.

A town crier was a man (mostly) who went up and down the roads crying out the news in his own words. His opinions, called punditings, were commonly accepted as truth. It was he that rolled up and down the roads telling first one and then the other that there would be even-ing power.

Today you get some, tomorrow you don't. Some get it, some don't and so on until eventually it rolls back to your place and you see the light.

And that's how the powerless caught rolling blackouts.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Headlines, Again

We appear to be moving backward.

Heat wave kills...

People are giving humans a really bad name.

Politically Correct rewrites history and future all in one fell swoop. Future words will be limited to duh and f***. Who could possibly take offense at those?

Abandoned cats become savage and scalp inhabitants of trailer town.

Barking dogs lie when they should be asleep.

Walnuts are found to have peanuts envy.

Cold War heats up.

Salt treaty thrown over left shoulder at full moon.

Tax rebate borrows trillions to return six dollars to poor while doing away with Social Security.

Poor money habits put government out of business, middle class out of existence. The government seeks lucre in pockets of indigent and elderly.

Bottom drops out of bucket. Those who were astute enough to invest for their own retirement as suggested by the government and brokers now find social security and retirements borrowed out. Homes are being foreclosed at a record rate and gun sales increase.

Country wonders what to do with few remaining whites. They just won’t wash with colors.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Spin Goes On


My head is cross. My eyes spin.

I apply facial moisturizer full of botox bugs and retinol to eliminate aging signs before going to the garage to apply shabby chic crackled paint to a new table to make it appear old.

In a fit of confusion, I decide to keep my face as is and learn to love a scratchfree table.

The fractal above was created in Fractal Explorer.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Wages of War

2000 Mythsteries and Other Pithy Shorts #27

Once upon a time when the towers of Babel were knocked down by the hands of foes, the king (ruled by the dead dreams of his father who reigned a couple back) was blinded by the trees and couldn't see the forest for the shrubs.

He drew his sword to fight a losing battle with the tower downers in a far off country then rhetorized it to a quiet death to make room for his new plot which was sadly soiled. He claimed it as his own right to cast stones at another evil king even though it rocked the world of otherbodies. In this self-wrought foolish plot, the silly king decreed that only he could amass bigsize weapons of killer proportions and others would be ended if they attempted to hold those same rights.

Forsooth! He sat upon a vipers' nest of his own hatching. The land he ruled was once the richest in the world but he pimped it off, piece by piece, to the hands of villains in an effort to buy popularity and up his backers.

Wait, the dwellers cried, this is not right.

And it came to pass, things moved too slowly for the pachydermal king who took a fast track and claimed all rights as his own. Lucre matters were in such short shrift, he surmised this war would be good for his coffers, his polls and his pols. He was upon a role and huddled in his castle while he sent the littles to fight.

Lo! By this time Pandora's lid slammed and pinched off the wings of the wise while evil thrived underfoot and overhead.

Thus it ever is, the ways of men lack forethought and in this rage the wages of war produce destruction of the masses.